99 weeks

I have known for 3 month’s that my office is shutting down and I will soon be out of a job. Although the exact date is still vague the signs are all around. As furniture, phones, and personnel leave it become more and more apparent the end is near. I have talked with many people that have recently lost their jobs. Most of them compare their emotions to the "Grieving Process."

1 is Shock. I was called into my boss’s office thinking I was going to be congratulated on leading our office to victory in the fitness challenge. I was told the office was closing and I would no longer have a job.

2 is Denial and Disbelief. I was just part of a growing exciting business with people that cared about me. I was part of a team. Now I was being told “we don’t need you anymore.”

3 is Bargaining. I am pretty good at this…pleading with God and the Universe to make this not so, “I’ll be so good if only I can awake to find….” This step went by pretty quickly as I’ve learned it’s a real waste of energy.

4 is Guilt. Now this has always been my favorite step. Blaming myself for everything, even wondering if I had done things I didn’t even know I had done. This can also be called “trying to make sense out of something that don’t make no sense.” This step can drive you crazy and make you loose lots of sleep. I am very good at this.

5 is Anger. I have a special form of anger…it’s called humor. This stage has helped me bond with my coworkers and honestly talk about our feelings. Some of it has not been nice but we have sure gotten some good laughs.

6 is Depression. I have never been great at detecting depression in myself. I do know that for me it’s the feeling of loneliness and isolation. Feeling lost is a good thing. Once you realize you are lost you start to look for yourself. Friends will always tell you when you have gone missing.

7 is Resignation, Acceptance, and Hope. About 4 weeks ago I started getting up early to exercise again. I started to think about my future and how I could best use my talents and my time. I started to put myself ahead of my job, something I should have aways done.

Congress did something that it has never done before; it extended unemployment benefits to 99 weeks. That’s almost 2 years of searching. I sure hope it doesn’t take that long. What started out as shock and sadness has turned into extra time and new goals. I guess you call that Hope.

Is Candy Evil?

When I was 7 years old my family traveled from New York to the California dessert to visit my Mom's family. My older brother 11 found a pack of cigarettes and wanted to try them. My Mom let him smoke as many as he wanted, and if I remember right he smoked the entire pack, got sick, and threw up. It taught me and my sisters a valuable lesson, Cigarettes make you throw up.

I recently read a blog that was giving suggestions on parenting, things to do and not do with the kids they did not have yet. I have to admit I laughed. The irony in these types of future parents lists, is that it's usually the self professed down-to-earth, natural types that try and inflict rigid restrictions on their kids. You can try! Good luck squeezing those square pegs into round holes. If I had one bit of advice to give new and future parents is; Listen to all the advice your given , then throw it all away and do what feels right. Teach through example and feel free to change strategies.

I just came across a wonderful article on Candy , "Is Candy Evil or Just Misunderstood?" The author explores the American relationship with candy and finds irrational and interesting ideas everywhere. "Dr. Kawash... describes her childhood in Sunnyvale, Calif., in the 1970s as an endless, and mostly frustrating quest for candy, restricted to a small weekly indulgence after church on Sundays. Later, binges on gummy bears and spice drops fueled her undergraduate research at Stanford; she found herself flushing handfuls of candy corn down the toilet to prevent herself from eating just a few more.”

Halloween is in a few days. My 2 remaining trick-or-treaters will be out early and home late with a bag full of Candy. They can eat whatever they want. The truth is, at least half of it will sit uneaten under their bed and will be thrown out in a few month's when its stale.

Eggshells in the Cake Batter

This weekend I will be celebrating my 51st birthday with my Oldest Daughters family. Grandpa and I will be providing some much needed baby sitting so Mom and Dad can go to a Ball (they really are going to a Ball). We have 2 grand daughters age 6 weeks and 3.5 years. On the agenda is play, play, play, and bake a cake. I can’t wait. If I can find some ducks to feed and a pumpkin to carve I will also add that in.

Becoming a Grandmother is a wonderful thing. Its true, all the glory and none of the work. I’m sure I won’t get much sleep this weekend and will smell like spit up. There may even be some eggshells in the cake batter. I can’t wait.

Here is a poem by Barbara Cage…
“A grandma is warm hugs and sweet memories. She remembers all of your accomplishments and forgets all of your mistakes. She is someone you can tell your secrets and worries to, and she hopes and prays that all your dreams come true. She always loves you, no matter what. She can see past temper tantrums and bad moods, and makes it clear that they don't affect how precious you are to her. She is an encouraging word and a tender touch. She is full of proud smiles. She is the one person in the world who loves you with all her heart, who remembers the child you were and cherishes the person you've become.”

Who's Going to Fix that?

The next couple days at work are going fun. The office manager is on maternity leave, the assistant filling in for her is taking a couple days off, another assistant is out with a stubborn kidney stone, and the remaining assistant is transitioning to one of our new office in another State (she’s not here either). So it’s just me, the Receptionist/Mom.

At 8:25 this morning the fire alarm went off. It was really, really, really loud. Most of us tried to ignore it but after a few minutes’ people started to exit the building with their figures in their ears. The stairwell became more crowded as we descended from the 5th (top) floor. Some of the Men helped a Physically Challenged coworker down the stairs. Once outside we all just stood around waiting... and waiting. Who was supposed to fix this? It only took me a few minutes to realize it was me. Since there was no evidence of a real fire I ventured back in, up 5 flights of stairs, and made the call the property manager.

Managing a family of 8 is like running a business, so I am prepared. So far today I gave been able to locate extra computer key pads, place...then correct an order for custom stamps, change the timer on the locks, FedEx 3 packages, receive and sign for 6 packages, answer phones, send multiple emails for 2 different executives, keep the frig stocked with cold drinks, pick up the mail & daily newspaper, book the conference room and set up for a 5 hour meeting, greet and welcome guests, find the 2 extra glass doors in storage, host a video and audio test call, find replacement parts for audio headsets, order…set up…and pick up Pizza for lunch.

Next time you wonder, who’s going to fix that? Pay attention it may be you.

Feel'n fine with a top 20

Yesterday my daughter competed at the Cross Country State Championships. She has had a good season placing 2nd individually at Regions last week, and a 1st as a team. It has been a great experience watching the team work together. Individual wins are celebrated but at the end of the meet its what the team did. What those 7 girls together accomplished. Its interesting before the beginning of any competition I think about placements . "Well top 10 would be incredible, top 15 would be wonderful and top 20 would be great." She ran in 7th & 8th position most of the race and ended up 24th. Not her best race, but also not her worst. Luckily I had to run back to the office right as she crossed the finish line. I knew she would be disappointed and I was lucky to have some time to gather my thoughts. I have learned that the disappointment is at its peak on the other side of the finish line, and surprisingly a big win also peaks at that same moment. The disappointment and jubilation ware off at about the same rate and have about the same shelf life. I am so proud of my daughter for doing Cross Country. She only tried running after being cut from various teams she had tried out for her freshman year. We often think what a lucky break it was to not get the call back, have your number read, or hear your name called. Again that moment was the worst part. Failure and discouragement always leads to self discovery, she discover she had a love & talent for running and most important she learned to try, try again. She has one more year of High school sports "I would be over the moon with a top 5 finish, wild with joy with a top 10, and feel'n fine with a top 20."

"Your fired"

So here I am on October 20th 2010. I have been employed at a fantastic place working terrific people for the last 15 month's. Unfortunately it all ends in a few weeks, December 31 to be exact. The office closes, we have been down sized, I have lost my job, or as the Donald would say "Your fired." I have had a few months to get used to the idea of no longer coming into this office and sitting at my beautiful desk. What started as a growing bustling office of 30 or more, has shrunk to about 10. This week we have 3 newly hired financial guys working out of my office while the location they will be working out of gets a face lift and triples in size. Each day brings a reminder that this is coming to an end. Its not just the paycheck, unemployment will cover the basics while I look for someplace to go, its the loss of relationships and security, that although temporary sure felt good. Who knew working for powerful people in a billion dollar company would be as unstable as a non-profit. I had left my job at a non-profit for various reasons, one of them being lack of security. I don't regret leaving, I have had a wonderful year and feel more secure in my abilities. I have found a temporary home to rest, but like all things temporary they come to en end.

I have been thinking about continuing with my blog for a while and I'd like to thank my sister in Law for encouraging me to start up. I'll keep it short today since we have some important people coming in today and I need to make sure everything looks great and everyone is well taken care of. Today is Cheesecake Factory! Always a favorite. I will also being sneaking out for an hour to watch daughter #5 compete in Cross Country States competition.

What I will try and cover in the some of my future blogs is the many ups and downs of losing your job, being 50+, rediscovering myself, friends, and family after 25 years of raising a family. I have also just recently started to exercise on a daily basis. After keeping fit for 50 years I somehow lost the desire at some point last year and pretty much used diet to keep the weight off, never a good thing. I am excited to be back in an exercise routine, and happily eating cookies again. Next step is get fit enough to share pictures of my trip to Acapulco this winter with my husband. Did I mention we can't remember the last time we vacationed together with out children? Its a bit of a milestone for us, He finally joins me in the 50's club.